Monday, January 21, 2013

A Closed Door

Let's face it, we humans do not like to hear the word "no" when we want something. As a mama of a three-year-old, I can physically see the disappointment on her face when I tell her "NO" to something she wants. I see her slump her shoulders down, hang her head and begin to pout (and when she'd really turning it on, she can even turn on the tears). I have to say, I feel that way too when I'm told no, but as an adult I've learned to respond a little better than that - on the outside at least (while I might still be pouting on the inside just like my toddler daughter).

Just yesterday, we were at my Nana's house with my parents (talk about a house full of spoiling aunts, grandparents, and great-grandparents). If you know anything about my awesome family is that we love to eat when we are together. I think we were there for about 6 hours and Zoe ate for about 4 1/2 of those hours. It's no news to us that our girl loves to EAT - she's certainly known what it was like to have an empty belly and we know she struggles with food (this is quite common for children who are adopted - particularly from orphanages). She had eaten so much that I told her she couldn't have any more food - I really was afraid she was going to make herself sick. She immediately slumped her shoulders down, hung her little head and began to pout.

I brought that sweet girl over to me, held her hands, and looked into her eyes. I lovingly told her sometimes the answer is "yes", sometimes the answer is "no", and sometimes the answer is "not right now". Regardless of my answer, she needs to accept that because I am her mommy and I love her and she needs to obey me with a happy heart. I have to say, the Lord spoke to me in that moment. The Lord reminded me that I don't always accept His "no" with a happy and obedient heart.

The Lord has taken us on a journey over the past few weeks that we've had to accept His "no". It's not easy. It's not what we wanted. It's not the plan we had. I've pouted; I've cried; I've begged the Lord for a different outcome. However, He wants us to follow where He leads with a happy heart. He's made his "no" clear and made a promise that He has something else in store for our family. I've clung to this verse when I felt like I wasn't sure what God was doing:
"I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." - Jeremiah 29:11

I have to say, I thought we were going to adopt from Haiti. Haiti has a special place in my heart, and He used precious children from there to open my eyes to the needs in Haiti - for the poor, for the orphans, for the country as a whole. Haiti has a little piece of my heart and I was just SURE that we would bring our kiddos home from Haiti. But The Lord said "no"; He's closed the door and He's asking us to trust Him. He's reminded us that His ways are not our ways.
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." - Isaiah 55:8-9

I've shared this before and just fell in love with this song at the Created for Care retreat last March. As I walk in this season, I am reminded of the Truth in this song. I can trust that He has all this worked out. 

Now, if I can just remember to obey with a happy heart because He does LOVE us!


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